It’s smelligant

This kind of stuff happens when you get older.

See, I’m getting gas a convenience store so I walk in to pay and of course there’s a big line and so I’m just standing there minding my own business because a convenience store is not really the kind of place you make lasting friendships and/or have bonding moments with complete strangers.

And while I’m standing there — doing what I always do when I have to stand in line — looking at all the stuff on the counter so I can get my impulse shopping habit taken care of for the day (Wow! Little animal shaped thingies!) I noticed the people around are kinda sniffing the air and looking around at each other.

I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking the same thing, but this was not an unpleasant smell cascading down upon everyone’s nasal passages, but rather a something pleasant, almost beautific.

Smelligant even.

I tried some of those laundry enhancing smelly beads — you know things that look like you might sprinkle them on a cupcake for somebody’s birthday, but in reality they just make your clothes smell extra good.

I guess you could put them on a cupcake, make it look all fancy and whatnot, but I doubt if you’d want to eat it afterward because you’d probably wind up dying, and not that then maybe just trouble with your bowels.

I don’t know what kind of trouble, mind you, because I’m not going to try and eat them. But some people, I’m sure, will.

I mean, whoever thought eating those detergent pods was going to be a thing?

And didn’t they stop selling those or something because people were kinda stupid and wouldn’t stop trying to eat them?

It was “eat “ right. Not smoke or sniff.

That would be kinda hard to do I think, but what do I know.

Other than to not eat my laundry odor enhancer thingies.

Even if I dress up a cupcake with them.

Stuff like this actually runs through my head sometimes.

It’s scary.

So, when I got these little magic beads of smell-a-rific I thought, “You know, handful would probably work, but I bet half a bottle would really be fantastic. A lot of people say I’m like that. I’m like an “all or nothing” guy. But the truth is I have this fear of smelling bad — of emitting a foul odor.

So I doused my laundry with these magic orbs of sweet smells and let my washing machine do its thing.

About this time I started coming down with a cold, so I really couldn’t sniff out too much of anything with any sort of accuracy. Everything sorta smelled like … Nothing. Which, in turn made everything taste about the same. I read in a magazine (or maybe it the interweb) that your sense of smell is really the key behind you sense of taste.

So, as a side note, if your chosen one makes a really horrible meal, go ahead and eat it and say, “Yum, yum,” because it’s probably just a cold messing with you.

Anyway, I’m standing in line at the convenience store, listening to all of these people sniff and watching them look around, when suddenly it’s my turn to plop my five bucks down and tell the cashier what pump I’m on (a but little stuffed animal thingy, and she says to me:

“That’s some strong laundry detergent you’re using.”

Talk about beaming with pride.

“It’s new,” I told her. “You like it?”

“Not really,” she said. “It smells … Strong.”

Hey, I like strong.

So, I bounced out to truck to pump my gas feeling all good and everything and then it hit me.

Used to be, way back in the day, I would compliments from cashiers.

Things like, “You look good in that color,” or “I really like that hat,” or “Those are nice sneakers.”


They don’t like my tiny pebbles of smell-goodiness?

Too strong?

When did all of this start going wrong?

When did people start to actually stop looking at my nifty sneakers?