Is it ‘three years!’ or ‘three years?’
I’m not sure if it’s like: Three years!
Or: Three years?
That’s the time frame being given for completion of the new bridge across the Clinch River.
And whenever anybody speaks about the new bridge there’s always a “Three Years” thingy thrown in with it.
Is that a statement of shock, or a question? Who knows?
And we have to decide if it’s the Lewallen Bridge, the Green Bridge, or the Old Bridge.
I like to go down and watch the proceedings some days, just to see that big crane at work.
I saw one of the Tennessee Department of Transportation (TDOT) guys one day and offered my services to help in any way I could.
My grandfather, John Dexter Leinart, was the chief bridge engineer for L&N Railroad back in the day.
I always have to point out he was a bridge engineer because if I say he’s “an engineer for L&N Railroad” people think he drove trains.
He didn’t drive trains.
Is it “driving” trains or “conducting” trains? And if it’s “conducting” trains, is music involved?
May well be. I know my grandfather liked his music. Not the kind of music I like, but still … Gotta admire a man who likes music.
So many questions, so little time.
John Dexter Leinart, it is my understanding, built the bridge — or trestle — in Lake City that still stands today.
So see, there has to be some bridge building expertise somewhere in my blood so I guess I’m qualified to help on the new bridge over the Clinch River.
Right?
Mr. TDOT wasn’t impressed.
So, I pointed out that I have also watched “The Bridge on the River Kwai” something like 100 times.
That should make me practically the smartest person in the world when it comes to bridge building.
“And I won’t tell you to pick a new location because the one you have isn’t suitable,” I added. “I think this spot is excellent.”
I grinned real big so he knew I was being earnest.
No sweatbox and/or beatings for me, thank you.
Alec Guinness won an Academy Award (little r-thingy here). Did you know that Alec Guinness spells his last name the same as the Guinness in Guinness Extra Stout? I don’t think they’re related and I don’t think they named Guinness Extra Stout after Alec because Guinness Extra Stout has been around a lot longer.
In the movie “The Bridge on the River Kwai,” nobody drank Guinness Extra Stout because most of the people in the movie were prisoners of war — They didn’t have rations of Guinness Extra Stout for POWs.
And I’m sure they built that bridge in a lot less than three years because otherwise they might have been building it after the war.
So much trivial insight, so little … Something.
Still, Mr. TDOT man was not moved by my bridge building resume.
Some people are just hard-headed, you know?
So, then I told him in fourth grade we had to build a bridge out of straws as a class project.
It might have been fifth grade, I’m not sure.
Anyway … I got an A+ for my bridge.
Also, it was selected to be put outside of the classroom in the hall so people could see what we were doing in our class.
My bridge did not look like “The Bridge on the River Kwai” because I hadn’t seen that movie yet.
It was just my inherited bridge building stuff.
And did you know that in a few years there won’t be anymore building bridges out of straws because there is a move to eliminate plastic straws?
Seriously.
So many straws, so little to drink.
Maybe we will all go back to those paper straws that had that waxy coating on them and made all your drinks taste funny.
“Hey, my soda tastes funny!”
“Nah, it’s just the waxy stuff from the straw.”
Seems like plastic straws are filling up landfills and killing birds and making sea-going vessels sink, stuff like that — and you could take all the discarded plastic straws and build a real bridge from here to Mars (maybe further).
I volunteered for that job, too.
I can probably build it in less than three years.
Not that it matters.
Mr. TDOT didn’t ask me to help with the new bridge across the Clinch River, much less the one going to Mars made of plastic straws.
Is TDOT going to be in charge of the one going to Mars?
So many straws, so little time.