And Happy Halloween to you, too
So.
I can’t decide what I want to dress up like on Halloween.
I know, everyone says, “Well, duh … Frankenstein.”
And I say that’s just being mean. I look more like Mrs. Frankenstein.
Without the hair.
I think dressing up like a ghost is cool. I mean, it’s simple. Cut two holes in a sheet and plop it over your head and you are ready to go to any Halloween event on the planet.
You have to make sure the holes are close together so you can see.
If you get them too far apart you may not be able to see and then you’ll bump into some guy dressed like Frankenstein and he may smack the heck out you because you made him spill his drink — and maybe he spills his drink on you and then you are in really big trouble.
Though you were probably in big enough trouble as it was because you ruined your mother’s, girlfriend’s, spouse’s, grandmother’s, and/or neighbor’s sheet by cutting two holes in it (close together so you can see) and now you also have someone else’s spilled drink on it.
Some people get all fancy and go all out and dress like giant chickens or squids or whatnot. They have to buy (or make) a lot of stuff to glue and/or staple things on themselves.
That doesn’t sound like much fun.
Unless you get to listen to “The Monster Mash,” which is the only Halloween song I know, but I happen to like it — at least once a year.
So if you have to staple and/or glue stuff on you at least be sure that wherever you are going is going to play “The Monster Mash.”
If a ghost seems too “blah” for you, but you still want the simplicity of cutting two holes in a sheet, then don’t go to a Halloween event and tell everyone you did — as the Invisible Man!
I just now thought of that and I think it’s a great idea.
If someone doesn’t believe you and they ask, “Well then, what was the main appetizer served?” People can ask you tricky questions when they think you’re fibbing about going to a Halloween event.
You can just say, “I don’t know. I didn’t partake of any appetizers because I’m on a strict diet so I stayed away from all the food because it might tempt me.”
Then you can say, “Who was that person you were talkingto who wasn’t your significant other?”
It’s a Halloween event. People are going to talk, talk, talk. But if you ask with the right tone of voice, you know, kinda insinuating that the little chit-chat you saw might have involved something like smooching …
Trust me, they’ll change the subject awfully fast.
Or you could ask them who that person was they were dancing “The Monster Mash” with? Wink at them when you ask them. It’ll freak them out.
But if you want to go to a Halloween event and you don’t want to dress as a ghost, be the Invisible Man (and, you know, stay home instead), glue and/or staple chicken feathers and squid cups to your body, then just wear a big black hoody and go as Death.
It’s got to be a really big hoody, though.
Unless, of course, you have a really big black robe.
Which, if you do have a really big black robe, a Halloween party may be a little tame for you.
You’d probably want to attend a Halloween sacrifice of a canned ham or frozen turkey or something.
You have to carry a stick or something, and it’ll help if you don’t talk to anybody — which will stop anyone from asking you who that person was you were talking with who was not your significant other in an insinuating tone — and it’ll really help if someone gets sick at the party.
Because people will think you, Death, made them sick.
I mean, nobody wants anyone else to get sick, but there’s always going to be some yahoo dressed up like Frankenstein who drinks too much (unless he continually bumps into some guy dressed in a poorly constructed ghost costume and spills his drinks) or someone who eats too much appetizer.
And if you go as Death, you can’t dance to “The Monster Mash,” so think it over carefully.
It happens. People are strange, aren’t they?
