Going just a little insane here

Well, after a month of no sports, I’ve decided that my best course of action is to simply go insane.

Not that lonely, depressed kind of insane, though, where you stare at the walls and drool, though – I’m talking real insanity.

Local high schools have already decided that they’ll be doing online classes until the end of the semester (at least), and the University of Tennessee sent out an email this week stating that it’s “re-imagining the fall semester.” Meanwhile, Vanderbilt has already stated that its fall semester will be online-based.

None of these developments bode well for sports, and, therefore, none of them bode well for my sanity.

Therefore, rather than fighting it, I’ve decided to simply roll with it.

Despite receiving my stimulus check early on Tuesday morning, I spent the entirety of my Thursday afternoon standing outside the post office yelling, “Where’s my stimulus check!?”

When the police came to escort me away for being a public nuisance, I wagged my finger at them, defiantly crying, “Ah, ah, ah! Social distancing, boys! Stay six feet over there!”

They left, entirely defeated, allowing me to continue my angry rant at the civil servants.

Now – please don’t consider I made this choice lightly. After all, I knew that going insane would be a lot of hard work, and it is, but we have to stay occupied somehow, and one can only bake so many batches of cookies. One can only watch the entirety of “Scrubs,” or “The Office,” or “Friends” so many times before something inside the mind snaps.

My strictly kept schedule of waking up, working, working out, and sleeping has been so thoroughly destroyed that it’ll be a wonder if it ever returns to normal. My gym has stood desolate and empty for a month now, calling to me longingly in my dreams as I get fatter by the day.

We’re going through unprecedented times, and there’s no modern precedent for how to deal with it all. Some people have said to pursue your hobbies, but that’s a little difficult if your hobby involves other people in any way.

Some people have said to take the time as a vacation, but it’s a little difficult to relax when so many are either unemployed or soon to be unemployed.

Some people have said to just suck it up and stop whining, but those type of people say that about just about anything, so they can be pretty safely ignored.

No, there’s no real proper way to handle all of this, so go ahead and go crazy.

Bark at cars, convince your neighbors that your house is haunted, or carve menacing faces into random trees in the dead of night.

As long as you’re staying six feet away from everyone and not being a nuisance, don’t let anyone tell you you’re handling this wrong.