I need new stuff.
I spent a couple of days during the holidays getting rid of old stuff — outdated stuff, stuff that was in two or three pieces that should have been in one, stuff that wasn’t what it really was.
“I want the great stuff,” I told the guy at the store where you buy stuff. “Not the greatest stuff. I know you don’t have the greatest stuff. That tea company has all the greatest stuff.”
He asked me what size stuff was I thinking about.
“We have some really big stuff. And it’s nice, too. We have a lot of little stuff, as well, but there’s a big turnover with that so we never know what, exactly, stuff we have in stock. Our medium-size stuff is towards the back of the store,” he said.
I wasn’t sure what size stuff I needed.
I mean, I tossed out stuff of all shapes and sizes.
“Do you have any antique stuff?” I asked.
He pondered the question.
Actually, I don’t know if he pondered or not, I just like the word.
“How about word stuff? Do you have word stuff?” I asked.
I threw out some word stuff, but not much (just a smidge). Word stuff is my favorite. Because you can never have enough word stuff.
“We used to have a lot of word stuff,” he said. “In fact, I bet it’s back in the corner with all of our antique stuff. There’s not much call for word stuff anymore.”
He looked sad as he said this.
But then he burped and he didn’t look sad anymore. I think he just had gas. Having gas will make you look sad sometimes, I guess.
“You might want to get some stuff for that gas,” I pointed out.
I looked around the store. There was a lot of stuff.
“What’s your price range?” the fellow asked me.
I dug around in my pocket.
“Let’s see … I have seven dollars and 45, 46, 47 cents,” I said. “Plus, I have this gift card to a restaurant that is no longer in business. I think there’s 12 or 13 bucks left on it.”
I noticed a sign when I went into the store that said you could use gift cards to buy stuff, or buy a gift card to give to someone else so they could buy stuff, too.
“I’m sorry, we only take gift cards from our store,” the man said.
I pointed out that I bought the gift card in question in that very store, so technically it was a gift card from their store.
He pondered this for a minute.
“I’ll have to ask the manager,” he said.
He left and came back few minutes later with a woman who wanted to know what kind of gift card I had.
I showed it to her.
“That restaurant is closed,” she said.
“I know, I know,” I said. “But I bought the card here so it’s a gift card from your store, and plus, isn’t the customer always right when it comes to buying stuff?”
Now both of them pondered.
“Sure, whatever … Works for me,” she said.
She scanned the gift card and told me I had $12.87. Plus, with my $7.47 in cash, I had a whopping … I couldn’t add it up in my head.
“I guess I need to look at the small stuff,” I said.
I didn’t have room for any big stuff anyway. And I’m pretty sure I still had a lot of medium-size stuff that I didn’t throw out already.
“I bet you can find some great bargains in the word stuff section of our store,” the man said. “There’s not a big demand for that kind of stuff anymore.”
I thought maybe I could find some word stuff to help me with math stuff because I was having trouble adding up how much money I had to spend.
As we walked to the back corner of the store, where all the word stuff is, the man stopped suddenly and said, “You know what? In two days we’re having a big sale on all our word stuff. If you wanted to wait until then … ”
I didn’t want to wait, though.
I needed more stuff.