Do it with kindness
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
McGill University’s renowned expert on children’s social-cognitive development, Victoria Talwar, performed a study to determine the effects of harsh punishments placed on children by their parents.
Interestingly, one conclusion of this study was that children of strict and harsh parents were not necessarily better behaved, but they were better liars.
The study concluded that as early as age 2, children subjected to particularly harsh punishments began developing the necessary skills to lie effectively, as a means of avoiding punishment.
One could say the results of this study are almost tragic, that a parent’s perhaps well-intended efforts to raise a well-behaved child in fact leads the child to compromised morals.
This study offers very clear illustration of just how significant verse four of the above passage is. “Love suffers long and is kind” is more than a descriptor, it’s an instruction.
A retired psychiatrist friend of mine once told me that in his observations, we are often hurt the most by those closest to us. I believe part of this can be attributed to the amount of passion we focus on those we love.
In our zeal to bring out the best in, protect, and guide those we love, we can accidentally smother, crush, and break them. Hence, the very simple advice God gives us above.
If we want to truly love effectively, we learn how to suffer with patience, and treat with kindness; to endure situations we may not like.
Those times our spouse has had a bad day and is in a bad mood and we are tempted to spout off about how equally bad our day has been, the times our miniature angels refuse to listen while causing untold mayhem and we wonder if it’s too late to put them up for adoption, or even those times the fast-food joint just cannot seem to get our order right, we’re starving, and just want to scream; those are the times we need to remember how to love.
That is: to endure the human imperfections of those around us, just as Christ endures our own, and most importantly to do it with kindness.
